Following the publication of Katie’s birth story last week, I received so many well-wishes and congratulations. Thank you all so much for your support. It truly was an incredible ending to a difficult journey.
One of my friends posted a great comment, though, that I wanted to quote to kick off today’s post. Megan wrote:
So I’m reading kind of mixed reactions to the hypnobabies CDs in this post. I know that a big hope was the thinking about the process without negative words like “pain,” but it sounds like that didn’t exactly translate during labor and delivery, yeah? But at the same time you visualized the birth process almost to a T and you give some credit to hypnobabies for that. Would you say they were still beneficial, and with your experience, what recommendations would you make to someone considering them?
Really great question Megan. I started to write a reply to your comment, but I realized that the response was complicated and probably deserved its own post.
While many Hypnobabies birth stories tell of birth with no pain, Hypnobabies itself bills its method as one that allows you to birth “in comfort, joy, and love.” They talk about replacing negative words with positive words and the hope is that you won’t experience birth as painful.
Birthing Katie was certainly physically painful, and I did a whole lot of hollering. Yeah, you can call it “vocalizing” if you want, but you know me. I calls it likes I sees it. I got loud enough that I cracked a joke to my midwives about what the OB in the office next door must have thought was going on in the birth center.
Let’s be clear though. For those of you who haven’t had babies yet, pain in childbirth is absolutely nothing like pain from cutting yourself or pain from a broken bone or injury. It’s completely different. So different that I think Hypnobabies has it right when they talk about not using the p-word to describe it. If you’re an endurance athelete you can come close to relating to the type of pain that childbirth entails. Childbirth is much more like running a marathon than it is slamming your hand in a car door. Does that make sense? I think in many ways people focus too much on the pain aspect of childbirth and too little on the endurance aspect of it.
I didn’t go into the Hypnobabies expecting it to be pain-free. I couldn’t really bring myself to use the alternate vocabulary very much in real life because it felt a little hokey. What I did expect to get from the Hypnobabies childbirth method was a positive, empowering, natural birth that was free from fear and anxiety.
In that regard, Hypnobabies delivered tenfold.
Do I really believe in hypnosis? Honestly, I’m not sure. But what I do believe is that in listening to the tracks I was able to find a hidden well of confidence and power within myself that I didn’t know I had.
Leading up to this birth, I never felt anything but excited anticipation. During labor, except for those few moments right before Sue told my I was at 9 cm, I felt confident and powerful.
Unlike Gabi’s birth, which I went into with the idea of trying for a natural birth but if I need an epidural that’s okay, I went into this knowing with absolute certainty that I was not only capable of doing this but that I was going to do it. I think that self-assurance showed in my birth preferences.
Hypnobabies helped me to find that confidence.
It was incredible how closely Katie’s birth mirrored the birth I had visualized. I visualized myself having her quickly so I could get back home to Gabi and that’s exactly what I did. And really, y’all. I pushed out an 11 lb baby in 20 minutes. Damn.
Even with Hypnobabies, Katie’s birth was the hardest thing I’ve ever done in my life. It made the half-marathon I ran look like a cakewalk. But it was also the most exhilarating and empowering thing I’ve ever done.
So, sure, Hypnobabies didn’t give me a pain-free birth. But would I use it again for myself if I were ever going to have another baby (which I’m not)? Absolutely. Would I recommend it to a friend. Definitely yes.
And for those of you who haven’t had a baby but are curious about what childbirth is like, go get yourself some running shoes and train for a marathon. That high you get at the end of a race, the mix of endorphins, adrenaline, and tired and sore muscles, is like a smaller version of the feeling you have after unmedicated childbirth.
I’ve been putting off writing this for a long time. It just seems like such a big thing to try to process emotionally and put into words. But I need to write this down before I start to forget, so here goes. This is a birth story, y’all. If you don’t want to hear the nitty-gritty details of how Katie made her way into the world, then don’t read it. But if you do read all the way through, you will be rewarded at the end with lots of squishy baby pictures!
My sister-in-law, Carmen, arrived Monday, September 26th. Before she arrived, I had been so worried about how we would handle things on our own if Katie decided to come a little early. With my due date at September 30th, we knew we were cutting it close with her arriving on the 26th, but Gabi was 10 days late.
Still I worried. I talked to my midwife, Sue, about it. She gave us a few options, which helped to set my mind at ease. We could switch from a birth center birth to a homebirth, but because of Juan’s discomfort, that wasn’t a really viable option. We could bring Gabi with us to the birth center, but I wasn’t very comfortable with that option either. I worried that with Gabi there, I would want to spend time comforting her instead of focusing on having Katie.
Eventually, we got a solution figured out. If Katie started coming at night, we would take Gabi with us to the birth center. Juan would hang out with her until morning, and then her teacher would come pick her up and take her to school (a home daycare) where she would stay until Katie was born. If Katie started coming during the day, we would let her teacher know, and Gabi would spend the evening at school with her teacher’s family.
Thankfully, Katie decided to stay put until Carmen arrived on the 26th. I truly think that my body listened to my need to have everything lined up with Gabi’s care, though, because in the wee hours of the morning on the 27th, I woke up with powerful contractions. I knew this wasn’t a drill. This wasn’t my body getting ready. This was it.
I went downstairs and hung out with Carmen for a while. I sat on the birth ball, hung out, and chatted. She was jet-lagged so she and I stayed up watching Say Yes to the Dress while things moved along.
At 4:45 AM, I texted our Doula and called Sue to let her know that I thought things were moving.
At some point, I woke up Juan and let him know that this was the real thing. Can you believe that he thought I was mistaken? Oh, no. “Honey, I’ve already called Sue and Jessicka. This is for real.” I hung out a while longer, texted our doula and called Sue again, and took a shower. By that time, it was time to go in to work.
Juan said he wanted to try to work for a few hours in the morning (ha!), but I told him that he needed to drop off Gabi at school and come straight home. He tried to argue, but believe me when I say that you do not win an argument with a woman in labor!
At 8 AM, as they left, I called Sue and Jessicka again to let them know what was going on. Sue suggested I hang tight for a bit to see how things progressed. I told her that when Carmen and Juan got back I needed to come in to the birth center because we would get to a point where I was not going to be willing to go anywhere.
So that was it. I knew exactly what was going to happen. Interestingly enough, this was exactly what I had imagined in my hypnobabies birth visualization! I visualized that Carmen would arrive, I would go into labor the next day while Gabi was at school, and Katie and I would be back at home in time to welcome Gabi home from school. So far, things were going just the way I visualized.
It was around the time I made that realization that the contractions started getting a lot more intense. I couldn’t talk through them. I started to feel the need to vocalize a little bit by groaning during them. I started listening to my birthing affirmations hypnobabies track. (In retrospect, I should have done this right away instead of waiting until later.)
Oh, ha ha to Mr. Juan for trying to tell me this wasn’t really it!
Juan and Carmen returned shortly after taking Gabi to school, and I instructed them on putting together our cosleeper (I will describe that in a separate post). They got the furniture moved and set up, and that was it!
At 9:30 AM, we called Sue and Jessicka, hopped into the car, and headed for the birth center.
Once we got to the birth center and got settled in, it seemed like things had slowed down. Juan put the Easy First Stage CD in the CD player, but I wasn’t paying much attention. I sat on the birth ball while Jessicka rubbed my lower back.
At around 10:15, my contractions were still spaced out a bit (6-10 minutes apart), and Sue suggested that Juan and I take a walk around the neighborhood. Since things had slowed, Jessicka went across the street to check on another mom who was in labor. I didn’t really want walk, but I went ahead and agreed to. We walked. Every few steps, a contraction would hit and I would need to hug Juan and groan a bit. It was hot. The sun was bright. We walked down the sidewalk, across the very small parking lot, and I said, “Forget this. I want to go back inside!” So we did.
I was not a happy camper at this point. I laid down on the bed where things became much more uncomfortable and painful. Damn if it didn’t hurt! But it seemed like the contractions were stronger laying down, so I stayed on my side. Truth be told, I just didn’t want to move.
My contractions were still really far apart, so I sent Juan to Trader Joe’s to get me some snacks. Davie, one of the other midwives, arrived during this time with a smoothie. It tasted like hell, but I tried my best to drink it. If my blood sugar dipped, I might start getting sick again and that was the last thing I wanted. Carmen hung out with me and held a hot rice sock on my back.
By 10:50, my contractions were every 4-6 minutes apart and really intense. With every contraction, I would holler down the hall to Sue, and she would come running in to hold my hand. At the time, it seemed like I was shouting at her in a really demanding way, but later she told me that I just sounded lost like I was calling to her for help.
It was at this point that I started to freak out a little. I asked Sue to check how dilated I was because I was really losing hope. She encouraged me to wait just a bit. At the next contraction, I started cursing and I hollered down the hall, “Where the HELL is Jessicka!” “I’m here,” she said, “Right here!” She had just come back.
It was 11:15 by now, and suddenly everyone was back. Juan was back, Jessicka was back. Sue, Dawn, and Davie (all 3 midwives were there), and dammit I wanted Sue to check me. I know I said I didn’t want to be checked, but I wanted to know that something had been happening. I was pissed, scared, I hurt, and I wanted to know what the deal was.
We waited through another contraction, and then Sue checked me. I was at 9 cm with a bulging bag of waters and -1 station! Well, that explained a lot! I had been in transition! No wonder I had been feeling so awful!
Hot damn! Davie, fill the tub! Let’s have us a baby!
The wave of confidence and relief I felt when I heard I was almost completely dilated was incredible. Suddenly I went from freaking out to ready to get down to business. Sue was surprised as well. My contractions were really strong, but they were so widely spaced that she was expecting me to not be nearly where I was.
They got me out of the bed and onto the toilet so I could pee before I got into the tub. I remember getting up off the bed I told Jessicka, “Okay, I’m going to get up and then I’m going to hit the floor. I’m not falling down, but a contraction is about to start and I need to be on my hands and knees.” It helped. I had a few contractions on the toilet, and I did not want to be touched. Walking from the bathroom to the tub, I went to the floor with each contraction. But then at 11:30, into the tub I went!
When I finally got into the tub, Dawn put in the Pushing Baby Out Hypnobabies CD. I wasn’t really ready to push. The contractions were really painful and I just didn’t feel the urge to push. The bag of waters was really in the way, and caused quite a bit of discomfort! Thank goodness for the water though. It helped immensely.
Sue suggested doing some gentle pushes with the next contraction to see if that would get my water to break. I tried. Really, I did. But it hurt and my heart wasn’t in it. She checked me again, and I was almost totally dilated except for an anterior lip. The bag of waters was pushing so hard and was so uncomfortable with every contraction that I asked her to go ahead with the AROM. A few contractions later, she was ready with the little hook thing, and during my next contraction, she broke my water. This was 11:56 AM.
Now I was ready to get down to business! At 12:05, my body started pushing and I started pushing, too. Sue and Dawn really let me do my own thing. They didn’t try to direct my pushing or my breathing and they allowed me to trust my body to do what it needed to do.
And now I really started vocalizing. I was actually not aware that I could make sounds like that! I think I sounded like a cow! I grunted and groaned and growled. In retrospect, I feel a little embarrassed about it, but nature really did take over, and I was just along for the ride. I really think that the Hypnobabies practice was helping me to allow my body to do what I needed to do.
I pushed for a few minutes, but I was kind of on my back. I remember at one point reaching down and feeling her head. I felt a ridge and was really worried that the cord was getting pinched. Sue checked between contractions and reassured me that the ridge I felt were the plates in Katie’s skull compressing as she moved through my pelvis. Our bodies were both doing exactly what they were supposed to do.
I was having trouble pushing. I was sitting up, but I had slid down a little so I was reclined a bit, and that made things more difficult. Sue tried to get me to curl around Katie more to help push, but I had a hard time doing that. I just kept sliding down in the tub, and my motivation to move was nonexistent. If there were a next time, I would tell Sue to zap me in the butt with a cattle prod. I think it would’ve been easier if I would’ve been in a different position.
I think at some point I yelled at Dawn (or Davie?) to shut off the CD. The noise was bugging me and I wasn’t paying attention anyway.
Around the time that Katie started to crown (or maybe before?) Sue reached down to see if some perineal massage would help give some comfort, and she had only barely touched me when I screamed at her, “DON’T TOUCH ME!” Which in retrospect is kind of funny since I had written into my birth plan that I definitely wanted her to do that. It’s amazing how your body tells you what you do and do not need. I could feel myself tearing a bit, and when she laid hands on me (gently I might add!), it just intensified the feeling.
Again, I surprised myself by how I was able to vocalize. I was able to tell my birth attendants what I needed without feeling too shy to do so, and I was able to allow my body to make the noises it needed to help push Katie out. A few times I felt myself panicking and the pitch of my sounds would rise up into a higher register. Each time that happened, it seemed like Sue or Dawn would get my attention very gently by laying a hand on my shoulder and quietly saying my name. And I would bring my voice down into the low, belly sounds. Keeping my voice low and deep helped me to feel more in control and helped keep the pressure low in my belly to help me push. I think the Hypnobabies class really helped me to feel comfortable using my voice during Katie’s birth.
Katie crowned pretty quickly, but she didn’t come out all in one push. Her head stuck out under the water, and Sue said, “You need to get up out of the water now.” Something about the way she said it motivated me, and Juan and Jessica helped me to stand up. I think Sue was expecting me to get all the way out of the tub, but as soon as I stood up, I had another contraction, and… BLOOOP! OUT SHE CAME!
(For those keeping track, the time was 12:24 PM)
Sue made it around in time to catch her, and half a heartbeat later, Sue was passing her between my legs for me to hold. At first I felt really confused and I didn’t want to take her. I couldn’t really figure out what had happened, but I reached down and grabbed her because Sue was telling me to. As soon as she was in my arms and I felt her weight the confusion lifted, and I realized who she was and what we had just done.
And we sat down for a good snuggle in the tub. It was the most amazing feeling. It told Juan later that it was about a hundred times harder than running a marathon. It was like I had walked through fire and come out a new person. It was amazing.
Bless her, little Katie was such a little cuddle bug! I just held her and cuddled her and a few minutes later I nursed her and I cuddled her some more. It was awesome. She was so warm and soft and covered in vernix (sorry about your shirt Sue!). She was so alert, too! She just looked around quietly taking everything in.
Sue, Dawn and Jessicka were making bets on how big she was. To me, she just looked like a squishy newborn, but apparently she looked pretty big. Sue bet that she was 10 lbs 11 oz and Dawn bet that she was 10 lbs 6 oz.
We waited quite a while in the tub. In my birth preferences, I wanted to wait for the cord to stop pulsing before we cut it, and it pulsed for a long time! It was a big, strong placenta! Finally, at 1:04 PM, it stopped pulsing. We clamped the cord and Carmen cut it. Juan was too squicked out to do that and I was high up in Happy Babyland. So Carmen got the honors.
When my body started pushing the placenta out (1:15), I remember groaning and saying, “Why? Why won’t it just leave me alone?” But we got that done, too. Apparently it was a huge placenta, and I got a nifty placenta anatomy lesson from Dawn a little later, which was very cool.
Sue and Dawn gave me plenty of time to relax and snuggle with Katie. When they did the newborn exam and weighed Katie, it turned out that no one had been right about her weight. She was 11 lbs! Eleven. She was huge! She was the 3rd largest baby Sue and Dawn had ever delivered and the biggest Jessicka had ever assisted with!
I had to get some stitches. I was pushing like the blue blazes, and she was 11 lbs after all. But Sue got it done quickly. By 4 PM that same day, we were home and settled in.
A few days after she was born, Juan said, “Are you ever going to stop bragging about how big she is?” Nope! I had an 11 lb baby without meds! I feel like superwoman! Sometimes I wonder if I’m still riding high on the hormones from Katie’s birth! No, by now it’s just the oxytocin from nursing that keeps me feeling so good!
It was an incredible experience. 9 hours of labor start to finish. 20 minutes of pushing. One enormous and beautiful child. Who could ask for more? Juan was awesome. My midwives were unbelievable. Jessicka was incredible. I think I had the best birth team on the planet!
Just this past week I learned that Jessica from The Leaky B@@b is a fellow HGer.
I had no idea!
And, in a fortuitous twist, she published a fantastic article that struck to the core of some of the emotions I’ve been feeling about my HG pregnancies: Tone, filters, and information.
It seems like every time I turn around, there is some article that gets published about how if you have a great diet during pregnancy or exercise during pregnancy, your baby will be healthier and have a number of advantages. Since good eating and exercise aren’t really options for those of us with HG, these articles usually cause me to roll my eyes, feel guilty, and sometimes even angry that I can’t have just a normal pregnancy like everyone else.
Oddly enough, I feel very strongly that we shouldn’t take on guilt simply because of our circumstances. We should be able to share information to mothers be it about childbirth interventions and risk management or breastfeeding. We should be able to discuss these issues openly and honestly without the knee-jerk defensive reaction.
And yet, when I see the information out there about pregnancy diet and exercise, I experience that same feeling of defensiveness that makes me crazy when talking about non-HG-related issues.
Do those articles set out to make me feel guilty that I barely eat during my pregnancies? No, they are just sharing information and sometimes aim to encourage and inspire moms. Do the moms celebrating their beautiful pregnancy experience do so to punch me in the gut and knock me down? I’m pretty sure they are just excited about their own experience. Does the fact that I have very little physical activity during the prenatal stage of my mothering make me a bad mom? I don’t think so but it doesn’t mean I don’t wonder from time to time or that it doesn’t hurt a little when I’m faced with the reality that it really isn’t a good thing and could be putting my children at risk. Blaming the information though doesn’t help me or make my reality better. Hiding it, or worse denying it, doesn’t help anyone else either.
We should still share information, we should still read information and we hopefully do this in a safe community where processing the information can happen through trusting and supportive dialogue. I hope that by keeping in mind the fact that we do not know everything there is to a person’s back story and why they make the choices they do we can remember to be more sensitive in how we share information. I hope that by keeping in mind the fact that we all bring our own baggage to any topic we can remember to try not to take information sharing as personal jabs. It is through these steps that we can support one another and make a difference for others.
Reading this article really gave me a sense of healing. It helped me build a bridge from one aspect of my life, writing, and personal views to another.
Thank you Jessica. You gave me a lot to think about.
Well, I suppose two appointments doesn’t really count as “full” but it just seemed pretty busy.
On Tuesday, Juan went with me to the appointment with the midwives. Since we’re getting down to the wire, I wanted him to go again. The appointment went well. We reviewed the birth preferences we had written up and there were no issues. Everything was just fine, and most of the things I had listed were things that they either do or don’t do anyway.
The only exception was the internal checks. They usually do internal checks, but she said there’s no reason why they need to do them. If I prefer to skip them, that’s just fine. She even said that she wouldn’t need to check me if I suddenly feel the urge to push. She said if I did a little trial push and felt the baby moving down, we were ready to go! If I do a little push and it hurts, then we know I need to give my body more time to dilate a bit more. So there’s no need to 3 nurses and 2 doctors to be reaching up in there. That’s so refreshing and comforting to know.
Tuesday was also the day of my Group B Strep test. We won’t know for a while what the results are. Once we know, we’ll be able to finalize a few of the items in the birth preferences list and I’ll post the final draft so you can see it.
Aside from those things, it was a usual appointment. I got measured and I’m measuring right where I should be. We got to hear the baby’s heartbeat. And feel her position. She’s still head down, although, she did roll around while the midwife was feeling her so that her back was up against my back. She seems to have rolled back into place later, though, and there’s still plenty of time for her to move around. She’s doing great in other words! Headbutting my bladder as much as possible!
Thursday, I had my first appointment with the therapist. I won’t go into all the details here, but it went really well. We talked a lot about feelings of powerlessness and where in my life I am powerful. It was amazing how good it felt to have someone validate what I’d been through in the hospital that one really bad Friday night. She’s a medical professional who works with people with eating disorders in addition to being a counselor, so she was able to point out why what I had been through and validate just how serious my situation was. Hearing her tell me that, yes, I was actually pretty close to dying that Friday night really helped me come to terms with things and let go of the guilt I’ve been carrying for being angry over the lack of treatment I received at the hands of the hospital.
Anyway, it was a good experience. I really felt like I was able to connect with her, and I appreciated that she didn’t try to logic me to death like the previous counselor I saw (way back in January). I’ll keep going back to her for a while. It’s really seemed to do me some good.
So, it’s been a busy week. Tomorrow I’ll be 36 weeks. I think I posted previously that 36 weeks is considered full term, but that’s not correct. 37 weeks is full term.
I’ve got 4 working days next week and 5 working days the week after. Then I go out on maternity leave. I can’t wait to be done with work! One less thing that I will have to worry about.
This is one of those posts that I’ve actually been pretty excited to write about. Birth preferences!
Writing out my birth preferences this time around is so different from writing my Birth Plan from when Gabi was born.
The hospital where I had Gabi provided a template, so I based my plan off of that so that I could give them information in a format with which they were already familiar and comfortable.
With the hospital birth, there was so much more to worry about. The Birth Plan, while certainly not adversarial, was much more of a defense against unnecessary interventions. I had to specify things like no episiotomies, no continuous internal monitoring, give the baby to me immediately instead of delaying with newborn procedures, don’t give the baby formula or pacifiers, etc. Even using the format provided by the hospital, the Birth Plan was very much a defense for Gabi and I against the standard protocol of the hospital.
I don’t have to do that this time and it’s blowing my mind! All of those things I have to prepare for and defend against? Those are things that my midwives don’t do anyway. This notion of having my midwives working with me as a team that I already know and am totally comfortable with as opposed to a nurse I’ve never met who may or may not respect my right to informed consent is just incredible.
I’m not The Patient in Room 326. I’m me. They know me, and they respect me as an individual.
Because of all of this, my birth preferences are much shorter than they were the last time around. I’ll list them here, and include my reasoning for each one. The preference itself will be bold, and I’ll follow with the reason behind it to make it easier for you to skim. If there’s something that’s not on this list that you’re curious about, let me know and I can talk more about that item and why I didn’t include it. I promise I’ll be better about responding to my comments this week.
So, without further ado…
My Birth Preferences
I don’t want to know baby size until after she’s born. No estimates please. I know I can birth her “big” or not. Baby size estimates can be off by more than a pound, and since I’ve already had a baby vaginally, I know that I don’t have a pelvic issue that would prevent my pelvis from opening to allow the baby to pass. At 8 lbs 6 oz, Gabi came out at a pretty respectable size. Women have “big” babies all the time. It’s just not something I want to have to worry about.
I don’t want to have internal checks until I am ready to push. Last time, knowing that I was walking around for a month at 3 cm weighed on my mind, and when I got to the hospital I found I was “only” at 5 cm. Knowing this just shattered my belief in myself, so I’d just rather not know. Realistically, it’s perfectly possible to go from 5 cm to 10 cm in an hour or less. I know this rationally, but emotionally, those kinds of cold, hard numbers can be disheartening. If I’m in active labor, I have faith that my body is doing its job in its own time.
For those of you who may be considering this as a preference, you may encounter a health care provider who just really wants to start doing internal checks once you reach a certain number of weeks. They may do this just out of habit or they may tell you they need to “establish a baseline.” This is completely bogus. The baseline for dilation is… not being dilated at all! This isn’t a subjective thing. You’re either dilated or not. This is a measurement on a ruler. There is also absolutely nothing you gain from knowing this number as it will give you no indication of when you’ll go into labor. You could go from 0 cm to 10 cm in the space of 8 hours. Or you could walk around dilated to 3 or 4 cm for weeks. There’s no value in knowing this number, and every time someone reaches up in there you deal with risks: introduction of bacteria, accidental rupture of membranes, the temptation to strip your membranes without your consent, etc.
So no thanks on the internal checks for me!
Please feel free to suggest position changes! I tend to freeze up when I’m in an unfamiliar situation and don’t know precisely how things are going to go. I know that everyone says your body will tell you what to do when you’re birthing, but I really do tend to freeze up. I’m so glad to have a great doula and team of midwives who will be willing to make recommendations if they notice me getting stuck. Last time I felt like I just sat on the bed and didn’t know what to do. I asked for the epidural so quickly that I didn’t really get the chance to see what my body would tell me. I’m just not sure what to expect, so I’m very open to suggestions!
Please avoid using the word pain? Instead, I prefer to talk about things like “intensity” and “pressure.” This is a Hypnobabies thing. In so many of the Hypnobabies birth stories, it seems like the mom is doing great until a nurse comes in and asks about pain level. Then, suddenly, she loses her focus and starts feeling out of control. Since “pain relief” in the form of medication really isn’t an option, I just prefer not to visit this area at all. We can use words like “intensity” and “pressure” instead.
Please no AROM. AROM stands for Artificial Rupture of Membranes. That’s when they go in and manually break your water. There are about a gillion reasons why this is not a very good idea, but rather than list it all here, I’ll simply refer you to this article from Midwife Thinking in Australia: In Defense of the Amniotic Sac.
I would like to birth my baby in the water. That’s right! We’re planning to have a water birth! There are many reasons why water birth can be a great option:
The warmth from the water serves as a natural way to ease the discomforts of labor.
The weightlessness that the water provides allows women to move and change positions easier.
The water helps to soften the tissues allowing the perineum to stretch more easily to accommodate the baby.
The warmth of the water provides a much more gentle transition for the baby from the womb into the outside world.
I’m just really pleased to have the opportunity to use the birth pool at the birth center to have this baby. I know this will help me so much during my birthing time to stay comfortable and composed.
GBS+: I’d like to get the IV line placed and the antibiotics run as fast as possible. Then I would like to have the line pulled completely. I just don’t want an IV hanging off me. They’re distracting and upsetting to me right now. I don’t know for sure if I am GBS+ (group B strep positive), but I’m operating under the assumption that I am. This way, if I am, I won’t feel disappointed, and if I’m not I can feel pleased about having one less thing to deal with. I am also exploring the options of hibicleanse during my birthing time to help with this. It’s a bit up in the air at this point, but since I don’t know if I have group B strep or not, I think that’s okay.
Please no directed pushing. I would like to follow the signals of my body and allow it to do its work gently and naturally. Also please don’t count while I push or have a contraction. What I’m really trying to avoid here is “purple pushing.” That’s where you hold your breath and pushpushpushpushpush until they tell you to stop. This can reduce oxygen flow to the baby, and it’s really exhausting. On top of that, this kind of hard pushing can cause tearing as the baby moves too fast down the birth canal. So I just don’t want to do it. My body will tell me when to push. We’ll just listen to that and go with the flow. In Hypnobabies, we learn about “Aaaahing” the baby out. That’s just what I intend to do.
Please delay cord clamping. Since we donated Gabi’s cord blood, delayed clamping was not an option for us. This time, however, we won’t donate the blood. Instead, we’ll be allowing all of our baby’s blood supply time to move from the placenta into her body. According to this article, around 21% of her blood is in the placenta. She needs all of that iron- and oxygen-rich blood. It’s hers. I often wonder if some of Gabi’s early sleepiness and weakness during nursing would have been helped by delaying the cord clamping. For this baby, we’ll wait until the cord stops pulsing, and then we’ll clamp and cut the cord.
For the baby, no Vitamin K shots and (if I am not GBS+) no eye drops. Vitamin K shots are really only needed if your family has a history of blood clotting disorders. That’s not an issue for us. Unless the baby comes out with significant bruising, there’s no reason to give this shot. The eye-drops are only needed if the mom has chlamydia. They’re also recommended if the mom is GBS+. I definitely don’t have any sexually transmitted diseases, so as long as I’m not GBS+, there’s no need for the eye goop.
I would like an unmanaged 3rd stage and deliver the placenta on my own. Would also like to avoid the shot of pitocin unless it’s really and truly necessary. The 3rd stage of labor is the part where you deliver the placenta. During a managed 3rd stage, the healthcare providers may tug on the cord or “massage” the mom’s belly to help the placenta come out more quickly. The “massage” is pretty forceful and brutal, so banish the thought of a comfortable, relaxing belly massage. Picture instead people shoving against the mom’s belly with all their strength to manually push out the placenta. Really unpleasant. The cord pulling and the “massage” can also cause increased bleeding, hemorrhage, and the risk of the placenta breaking up and leaving pieces behind. Hello infection! I’ll pass. The pitocin shot is something to help curtail bleeding. If I’m not bleeding heavily, I’ll just skip that as well. As they say, “If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it.”
Those are my birth preferences. It’s a fairly short list. I’ll be talking about these with my midwife at my 36 week appointment later today. It’s so refreshing not to have to worry about defending myself against unnecessary hospital policies. I love that I am included as a member of my own birth team this time around.
Gabi and I did not have an easy start to our breastfeeding relationship.
My milk was slow to come in (thanks pitocin). She struggled with latch due to flat nipples. I got engorged. Then I got mastitis because she wasn’t able to latch to remove the milk. I didn’t know enough about pumping and thought that the milk I was pumping was “not real milk” because of the whole not-coming-in thing so I dumped what little I did pump. Gabi got dehydrated (no poops, no wets over a couple of days) so we supplemented with formula through a bottle and then through a supplemental nursing system via finger-feeding.
Then, right as she was starting to latch, I got thrush, which took forever to figure out because Gabi never showed signs. It was all in me. By then, my milk supply was almost gone, so I essentially had to relactate. The Boppy nursing pillow that I got was sliding all over God’s creation, so I was trying to hold the pillow in place, hold the baby, deal with the stupid nipple shield, get the baby latched, keep the baby latched, ignore the agony in my back (thanks epidural), and just fight fight fight fight fight.
Meanwhile, the “help” I was getting from hospital “lactation consultants” was vague and not helpful. We could manage to nurse in the office, but not once we got home. And when I would call for help they wouldn’t call me back.
It was a really difficult time.
Finally, we managed to turn the corner at around six weeks. I ditched the Boppy for the My Breast Friend pillow (they’re WHO code compliant and the BEST nursing pillow on the market!), I threw the nipple shield across the room, I found the kellymom.com forums where I could get some real help, and suddenly Gabi was alert enough and started latching and nursing. I also dropped in to a local baby shop that had an IBCLC on staff, and she proved to me that I actually had milk by doing pre- and post-feed weighs. Having this confidence is what ultimately saved our nursing relationship.
Gabi’s latch was never great. I think the nipple shield had a lot to do with why. But we managed. She was exclusively breastfed from 4 and a half weeks until she was a little over 8 months old. As she grew older, her perpetual bad latch became worse, but she got enough. I’m so proud of the fact that I managed to nurse her for 3 and a half years, and I’m so grateful that those resources (seriously! the pillow ruled!) all came together at the same time.
I was so lucky.
This time, I don’t intend to leave things up to luck.
What am I doing differently this time?
Unlike last time, I have developed a network of support. I co-founded a Lactation Support Group at my workplace, and I know that I can reach out to my co-leaders for help if I need it. I’ve also become an active member of the Kellymom.com forum community. I cannot say enough good things about this community. If you’re interested in nursing or plan to nurse or are thinking about it, join this group. This–and the Kellymom.com website of course–is hands down one of the best resources out there. Don’t bother buying a book. Go to Kellymom. The information, compiled by Kelly Bonyata, BS, IBCLC,is accurate, carefully vetted and moderated, and evidence based. It is truly second to none.
I’m also planning an unmedicated birth. The IV fluids and pitocin were both, I believe based on several years of reading up on it, at least partly responsible for my severe engorgement and the delay of my milk coming in. The terrible back pain I suffered was, in large part, from the epidural.
I know now, having observed the way my body reacts to these interventions, that they are harmful to my ability to breastfeed. To promote the gentlest and least invasive birth possible, I’m using the Hypnobabies childbirth method and birthing at a birth center with the help of midwives and the support of an experienced doula. Based on my experience and research, I believe that these and other birth choices I’m making will help our breastfeeding relationship to have the best possible start.
In addition to surrounding myself with accurate information and having a natural birth, I will have personal support from my midwives. They’ve got extensive experience helping moms and babies get off to a good start with nursing, and I will not be cut adrift once I go home. They will visit me in my home the day after the baby is born to check on both of us. Following that, they will call daily and be available for me to call if I need help.
I’ve also found a local La Leche League group and I will begin attending meetings starting this month!
I know so much more now than when I was pregnant with Gabi. Now I don’t say, “I hope to breastfeed.” This time I know that I can. It is simply what we do in our family. I know that if I run into difficulties that help is a phone call or keystroke away. Whatever we may stumble upon, we will overcome. Just like Gabi and I did.
Tomorrow, I will have made it to 30 weeks. There’s something that feels nice and final about being in the 30s finally. 30 weeks is solidly third trimester. 30 weeks means I’m on the downhill slope. 30 weeks means I’ve only got 10 weeks left!
I had an appointment with the midwives today, and I got the opportunity to meet midwife #3. I had met midwives #1 and #2 several times, but this was my first chance to meet midwife #3. I really liked her.
For the most part, the appointment went as they usually do. I weighed in (172.5 lbs) and then I got my urine dipped. My numbers are still looking a little funky in my urine, but both midwives #2 and #3 said that because I had just eaten a bagel and had some juice for my Floradix, it wasn’t outside the norm. It was just my body processing the sugars and carbs from the bagel and juice. Midwife #2, who is an HG survivor, said that her numbers were strange her entire pregnancy. The HG just messes up your body for a long time.
Then midwife #3 measured me and listened to the baby’s heartbeat. Everything is measuring right on target for 30 weeks. She also felt around on my belly to see if she could tell how the baby is positioned in there. As it turns out, she’s currently laying sideways. This would account for the increased pain I’m having in my pelvic bones and sciatic nerve. Her feet are sticking out to my right, and her head is over on my left. Midwife #3 explained that she is probably in the process of turning herself head down, and while there is plenty of room and time for her to go back and forth a few times, it’s likely that she’ll settle in head down and just stay that way.
I hope she finishes her acrobatics soon! I am not living this side-lying position! I swear I can feel her pointy little toes and toenails digging into the side of my uterus! Ouch!
The pain in my pelvis really is pretty bad. It’s bad enough that it’s been keeping me up at night. It hurts to lift my legs and put my pants on. Most of the pain is right where the pubic bones meet in front, but last night my whole sciatic nerve was aching and burning. I asked for a referral to a chiropractor, so I’m going in to get adjusted and massaged this afternoon. I’m hoping that will help. Midwife #3 also suggested just a few cat/cow or pelvic rocks before bed. That should move the baby up off of my bones and help through the night.
Since I am nicely into my third trimester, we briefly took the opportunity to talk about birthing options. It’s so strange and refreshing to think that I don’t need to worry much about telling a nurse in the hospital what not to do to me or my child! I don’t need to gear up for any strong advocacy. Most of the things I want, like delayed cord clamping, are things that they do just as a part of their every day procedure.
I plan to do a full post on my birthing preferences to help readers who might be interested see the reasoning behind them, but for now, here are a couple of things that I mentioned to midwife #3:
Delayed cord clamping
No internal checks until I express a desire to push
Allow me to birth the placenta on my own without assistance
Low lights and quiet voices so I can focus on my hypnobabies techniques
Prefer, when possible, for everyone to use the hypnobabies terminology to refer to my pressure waves, birthing time, etc
She was great about it. She listened, took notes, and generally did not make me feel silly for asking about this stuff. It’s just really cool that I don’t have to put in big bold letters anywhere NO EPISIOTOMIES!!! and just hope and pray that the doctor on call remembers to look at my birth plan.
It’s just so much more… peaceful with these midwives.
I’m not saying that to knock doctors. Not at all. My OB with Gabi was wonderful! It was a great birth experience and he could not have been more supportive. And of course, Dr. Awesome is, well… she’s awesome! The birth center and midwifery practice just has such a calm, quiet vibe. No beeping machines, no harsh lights, no weird smells, no people barging in and out. It’s just a completely peaceful and nurturing environment.
We also talked about birth kits and what to bring to the birth center. She gave me an order form for the birth kit (pads, some herbs, gloves, etc) and a list of other things to pack to bring with us. The birth kid needs to be ordered and in hand by 37 weeks, which is right around the corner. Pretty exciting!
And as a bonus, as I was making my next appointment, a brand new mom came out with her baby girl who was born just today in the very wee hours of the morning! She had wanted to lay still and sleep for a while there at the birth center, so instead of driving home in the middle of the night, they stayed. It was amazing to see how tiny and perfect that brand new baby was! I forgot just how small they actually are!
All in all, it was a great appointment. We’ve gotten past the anemia scare with the Floradix doing a wonderful job at bringing up my iron, and I’m doing great! You know. Aside from the HG. And today has been a 2 Zofran day. One before bed and one after breakfast. 10 more weeks. 10 more weeks.
I selected the Hypnobabies method of hypnotic childbirth, and at this time I have completed the home study course. Just this week I started in on the maintenance part of the program.
The course itself is easy and pleasant to go through. The book is divided into 5 lessons with each lesson building off the previous one. For the hypnosis part, the hypnosis tracks (which are on CDs that you just lay back and listen and follow along with) start by simply teaching you very basic, guided visualization and self-hypnosis. From there, the tracks build on that until you learn to put yourself into hypnosis using what they call the finger drop technique.
The finger drop technique is a cue that you train your mind to accept that triggers you to go into deep relaxation and hypnosis. This is the backbone of the program and one of the main tools I will use during my birthing time.
Hypnobabies is big on associations and cues. It’s basic operant conditioning when you think about it. You simply teach your mind to react in a specific way to a specific stimulus.
For Hypnobabies, those stimuli (cues) include the finger drop, where you bring your finger down like switching off a light switch, and words such as “release” and “peace.” Every hypnosis track starts the same way and has the same music, so I have also learned to associate the voice of the woman reading and the music with the feelings of deep relaxation.
At first, entering the hypnosis feels a little challenging. The mind wanders and it’s hard to really relax. Hypnobabies plans for this, and because I listen to the tracks over and over and because the association cues are consistent from track to track, it becomes easier every time I try.
In addition to the new associations that Hypnobabies is teaching me, they’re also working to disassociate old feelings about childbirth. As a part of this, Hypnobabies uses its own vocabulary to help you disassociate pain from childbirth. Here are a few examples that you will see me start using in future posts about birth (old word=hypnobabies word):
Labor=birthing time: Doesn’t the word labor just sound difficult and unpleasant? Birthing time is just so much more pleasant to say.
Contractions=pressure waves: Everyone knows contractions hurt, right? We’ve all seen the movies. Pressure waves though? That doesn’t sound so bad. And if you’ve been in the ocean, you know you can ride waves, let them carry you, flow with them. It’s exhilarating. When you fight ocean waves things get difficult and out of control, but when you dive into them, go deep, and let them carry you, they will move you and take you places.
Transition=transformation: Transition. That’s that part in the movies where the woman starts screaming at her husband, right? Pretty scary. Transformation feels better to say. It’s less frightening to think about.
Hypnobabies also does not use the word “pain” in any discussions on childbirth.
By dissociating birth from fear inducing words, Hypnobabies teaches you to better handle the intensity of the moment and embrace it with joy instead of shrinking back with fear. In fact, the very first class talks about the cycle of fear and how that can actually slow down and prevent your body from doing the work it needs to do. Clenching muscles and panic do not make it easier to birth a baby!
Lest you thing Hypnobabies is just a bunch of CD tracks, let me assure you. It’s not. The home study course takes you through a complete childbirth education. They talk about interventions and risks vs. benefits, stages of birthing, etc. We took Bradley classes when I was pregnant with Gabi, so most of this is review. However, if you are a first time mom, you will still get the information you need to help you navigate the birth process from a practical and intellectual standpoint.
So far, I’m loving Hypnobabies (if you couldn’t tell!). I fall asleep every single time I listen to a track, which is apparently not a problem at all, and when I wake up in the mornings, I feel so much better. I feel better rested, more confident, and just generally happier. When I wake up at night, I use my finger drop technique to help me go back to sleep quickly. When I had blood drawn at the midwifery appointment, I was able to use the finger drop technique to relax and get through it in a calm and peaceful way.
I’m excited to see how it works out during my birthing time.
Here’s another cool thing: Hypnobabies sells individual hypnosis tracks for a variety of different purposes. I’ve already ordered Needles are Ok! to help me deal with my needle-related PTSD, but there are lots of others that are intriguing: Baby Come Out, Breastfeeding Success, Peaceful Sleep Now for All, etc.
Hint: If you “Like” Hypnobabies on Facebook, you can buy the CDs and MP3s there at a reduced cost! That’s what I did!
There is one that I will never buy, however: Eliminate Nausea Now.
I do not think this CD would be at all appropriate for someone suffering from HG. Aside from the very definite fact that there is absolutely nothing about HG that is psychological or in the mind, think back to what I said about associations. The temptation might be there for a desperate HGer to give this a shot. To me this seems like a very, very bad idea.
Trust me when I say that associations are powerful. Heck, I was into Firefly when the HG started to hit. Simply watching that as the nausea started to build has been enough for me to associate this show and everything about it with nausea. The theme song, the title sequence, and the voices of the characters have become triggers for me. Heck, it was all I could do to link to that Wikipedia article and write this paragraph.
You do not want this kind of association built for your childbirth method!
The last thing you need to have is an association with fear and vomiting when you hear the Hypnobabies music and the woman’s voice starting to read the scripts. I think that the possibility in an HGer directly relating the hypnosis techniques for intractable nausea is a strong one. This is why I choose to stay away from this track.
This track is probably great for women with morning sickness, but I doubt it would help an HGer and the potential for harm is definitely there. It’s simply not worth the risk in my mind.
That said, the entire Hypnobabies experience has really left me feeling empowered. I’m looking forward to a beautiful birth. I’m excited about joyfully welcoming this new baby into the world!
Due to some scheduling issues, both doula meetings got pushed to this week. We met with Doula 2 on Tuesday evening (that was the night I ended up puking in case you forgot) and Doula 1 yesterday at lunch.
Both meetings went very well. Both offered pretty much the same services. Doula 1 has attended a lot more births than Doula 2, but Doula 2 seemed pretty competent as well and is in the process of completing her DONA training. All she’s got left is the paperwork.
I think it’s just going to come down to a simple, subjective decision. Who did we like better?
We committed to both of them that we would let them know early next week, so Juan and I have the weekend to talk about it.
Below are some things I picked up on from both Doulas.
Mentioned as a preferred doula to work with by the midwives
Seems very competent
Has what seems like a little more authoritative personality, which I appreciate. No guilt about running over her with my own balls to the wall personality. She seems perfectly capable of pushing me when I might need it the most.
Has attended over 40 births
Teaches a childbirth education class and can speak with authority on risks/benefits of interventions and various birth situations that arise
Former Bradley instructor
Is willing to listen to my hypnobabies tracks and read the book to learn more about this
Soft and gentle personality
Very kind to Gabi, wants to make sure she’s comfortable in her presence, but since Gabi won’t be joining us for the birth is this completely critical?
Almost half the price of Doula 1 due to not completing her DONA certification
Didn’t take the lead as much in the conversation, so I worry a little that she may not be able to push me the way I might need to be pushed
Also highly recommended by the midwives
Also very willing to learn about hypnobabies
Hm. You know, getting my impressions out on the page really helps me think about things.
We have reached the point in this pregnancy where it is time to start looking for a doula. A doula is a person (usually a woman) who is present throughout the birth to provide emotional and physical support to the mother during her birthing time and post-partum.
We didn’t have a doula last time with Gabi. We took Bradley Birth classes last time, and our teacher at the time discouraged us from hiring a doula. In Bradley, there is much emphasis placed on the husband/father as coach, so I think this is why she advised against doulas. In retrospect, I see that this was not the best advice for us.
This time I am doing Hypnobabies, so I fully expect the dynamic to be completely different. In fact, this is my intent. My experience with Gabi was good. But I want something different for this birth. I’ve learned some lessons, and I prefer to take that knowledge and move forward.
One of the things I learned is that, yeah, I really do need someone else there to help out. This is not a knock on Juan. He absolutely did a great job last time, especially considering that he was thrown into an unfamiliar situation that was loaded with stress and pressure from all sides. I look forward to childbirth. Juan dreads it.
At first when I started talking to Juan about hiring a doula, he was worried. He thought that the doula would replace him and take over his role. This should not be the case at all. A lot of the experiences of the birth felt strange and uncomfortable to him, and having someone there to navigate that processs with him, I hope, will give him more comfort with the entire process.
A doula is there to help the father, as much as she helps the mother. The fact of the matter is, our society places a great deal of pressure and responsibility on the father-to-be during labor. A childbirth class isn’t enough to prepare a new, nervous dad to support his wife through what may be one of the most difficult and challenging moments in her life. Is it fair to expect the father to remain 100% focused and calm, when his wife is struggling?
Emphasis mine. I appreciate the perspective here. This article really helps us understand how the doula will fit in to our own situation.
I asked my midwives (gosh I love saying that!) for some recommendations on some doulas they work with, and they gave me a few business cards. I’ve been able to reach two of them, and Juan and I have meetings set up for this week. Tomorrow, we’ll be having lunch with Doula 1, and then next Tuesday Doula 2 is coming to our house to meet us.
Doula 2 said that she prefers for her clients to meet with her in their homes so that they can see how she interacts with them in their own comfort zone and especially how she interacts wtih other children. I like this notion. My sister-in-law will be with us and will help care for Gabi, but I love that Doula 2 considered Gabi and her feelings as well as Juan and my feelings. This impresses me.
I spent this weekend trying to figure out what kinds of questions to ask these doulas during the interview. DONA International, one of the organizations that certifies and trains doulas, has an article with some questions to ask in their How to Hire a Doula section, but there were some more specific questions Juan and I had as well.
Here is the list of questions we came up with for us to ask the doulas (some of these come straight from the DONA page):
What training have you had? (If a doula is certified, you might consider checking with the organization.)
Do you have one or more backup doulas for times when you are not available? May we meet her/them?
What is your fee, what does it include and what are your refund policies?
Tell me about your experience as a birth doula.
What is your philosophy about birth and supporting women and their partners through labor?
What is your familiarity and comfort level with Hypnobabies? Will you be willing to do some reading and study to prepare for providing support for me during hypnosis?
Will you assist in writing a birth plan?
Can you give some examples of some of the ways you provide comfort during the birthing time? Massage? Aromatherapy? Do you proactively suggest position changes and movements?
In what ways will you help Juan during the labor?
How will you fit in to the birth team since we are birthing with midwives at a birth center as opposed to a hospital? Are you familiar with waterbirth?
At what point during my birthing time will you come? Will you come to the house? The birth center?
Do you take pictures? Keep track of details to help me write out the birth story later?
What kind of support do you provide after the birth?
I’m sure there are plenty of more questions that will come up during our meetings with the doulas. I am excited to see where the conversation will take us.
I feel like this really puts us one step closer to bringing this baby into the world, and it’s so exciting!