So there I was, minding my own business, walking in the park when all of a sudden I hear a loud POP and feel this excruciating pain in my right buttock. Incidentally, I love the word buttock. I think I’ll just say it again, because it’s so full of awesome: buttock.
So anyway, things got pretty hazy after that. I came to some time later surrounded by paramedics and a very sheepish-looking park ranger.
Here’s what apparently happened: A bear came down out of the hills and was ambling around the park. This is California, folks. This kind of thing does happen. Unfortunately for me, just as the ranger was taking aim with his tranq gun, I moseyed into his line of fire and took the dart right in my buttock.
Despite my (inadvertent) interference with Ranger Duties, they won’t charge me with any sort of misdemeanor, and yes, the bear was captured and is even now being transported back to some happy home in the mountains.
And that folks, is why I’m walking a little funny and not wanting to sit down much today.
No not really.
But that makes a better story than what actually happened.
What actually happened is that one of my Zofran infusion sites on my leg became infected. It was hurting like the dickens even after I pulled the plug and let it rest. So I asked my Alere nurse about it, and her response was, “Get thee to a doctor.”
Dr. Awesome confirmed this morning that it is, indeed, infected. This means I got to get a shot of antibiotics in my ass, and a sparkly new prescription for antibiotics. Kefflex, 4x per day for 7 days. As a bonus, a side effect of the antibiotic is… wait for it… Nausea! Yay for me! The emetophobe in me just adores that idea! Just when I think I’m about to kick this monster to the curb it finds a way to bring me back in. HG is a bastard.
The good news is, I can always bump up my pump dosage if I want. The bad news is that might potentially mean that I might be stuck with my little beeping friend for a little longer.
One good thing that came out of it was that I got to talk to her a bit about the pump-weaning strategy Alere is trying to push me in to. Alere won’t let me wean to zero. Which is stupid. But it’s their policy. They’ll only let me wean down to the equivalent of 20 mg/day, which, while not the massive doses HGers usually take but is still pretty respectable.
I think that’s bogus. I want to wean down to zero. I don’t want to wean off the pump to go onto the oral tabs. Those produce much worse side effects (constipation) for me than the subcutaneous infusion. I mentioned this to my doctor, and she said, “Well, do you pretty much know how to work the pump by now? Why don’t you just do it yourself?” Heck, yeah! See why I like her so much?
So on Friday, they’ll bump me down to the equivalent of 20 mg/day. Then I’ll just manage the rest of it on my own through the weekend. I’m hoping to be done with the little bastard by my next doctor’s appointment on Wednesday! Cool, huh?